Monday, August 14, 2006

Conversations: Gaming Program

Veggienerd, AF, and myself had a conversation where AF and I shed some enlightenment upon Veggienerd's quest for deeper understanding of the male psyche.

Yup...I think we've got one.

Anyway, the questions was posed, "Would we like to have a smoking hot woman for a wife?"

AF and I both answered a quick and honest no.

Sure, us man-things enjoy a little eye candy, just like women enjoy a butt shot or the occasional Chip n' Dale dance, but when it comes to long term relationships, a women's hotness factors in a lot less than society and commercials would have you think.

As we discussed, AF and I agreed that the one thing that we, as men, would even consider taking a smoking hot woman to was bed. Cruel, but honest. We wouldn't want to date them because we'd be freaking out. A good dose of, "OMG my girlfriend is freaking hot!" and "OMG, who in the heck is looking at my hot girlfriend!" gets annoying in a hurry. Plus, as myself, I'd feel like I'd have to raise myself up to her level and try to look as appealing to the opposite sex as she is as appealing to me.

And trust me, that's a LOT of work that isn't going to happen.

When it came to women and relationships, sad but true ladies, you get compaired to Mom. Now, that's not to say you have to fill Mom's shoes. Trust me, if Pink cooked as bad as my Mom, I doubt I'd even let her in the kitchen. My Mom's cooking is horrible. She makes a mean meatloaf and french toast, but it ends there.

So, by comparison, that is to say that we look at both the good and bad. Plus, we take a look at interests. It's not going to do me any good to have a smoking hot woman who hates to play video games, which is why my wife IS smoking hot to be because we played Lego Star Wars together for two hours last night. (now, mind you, she cussed me out every time I accidentially hit her with my light saber or pushed her off a cliff, but who doesn't like a little playful banter now and again?).

We also think about introducing women to our parents. If my Dad would say something to the effect of, "Man, son, I'd like some of that." I'd promptly go yak. But, if Dad says something like, "I can see how you to really hit it off. Don't let her go." Then by all means, I've got the right woman. If my wife can whine the same way about my Mom, and we can kinda be like little cheerleaders when we head the Mother In Law off at the pass, then that's a keeper in my book.

If your looking to be the hot chick, don't bother unless you're doing it for you, not us man-things. It's too stressful to try and keep up the "hotness" facade, and quite frankly, the deeper you get into any relationship, the hotness tends to develop into fire, hate, malice, then two years later your still wondering how you got suckered into paying for a car you can't afford.

If I can wake up beside you, drool crust on the side of your mouth*, sleep wrinkles on your face, eye crusties in the corner of your mouth, breath smelling like death itself*, and your hair some new style of knot and I still say good morning and give you a kiss, then that's all the attractive you need to be.

And, if you don't mind the occasional fart in bed, we'll be the perfect couple.

*I drool, and have breath like death because I sleep with my mouth open. Pink doesn't. :)

You know what my latest definition of hotness is? Pink understanding a Darth Vader reference when she had sleep wrinkle going vertically down her face, skipping her eye. It started on her forehead, skipped the eye, and finished on the cheek. I said something like, "You been sleeping with your light saber again? You've got a sleep wrinkle over your eye."

She just sleepy chuckled, and that's all I needed. :)


scott vieira said...

What?!?! Did Pink write this or was Blue under duress? :-)

chicknit said...

I learn so much from you man-things!