Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Let's Talk Burritos

I'll be the first to admit, the sexes will never be equal, biology prooves this. However, the sexes should always be equal when it comes to rights and privledges. I'm glad to see the world moving on, more women climbing up the business ladder, and not-so-quiet whisperings of a woman possibly running for the Presidency.

But, if men and women are supposed to be equal...who is supposed to go up and talk to the cashier when your wife has onions on your burrito when she asked for no onions and you've got proof that it was ordered that way on the receipt?

This, my friends, is where stereotypes come into play, that my gentlemanly nature requires that I hunt and gather wood, that I protect my family with my entire being, and at times, become self sacrificing for the good of the family.

But it is...a burrito.

So there we were, at Taco Bell, inwardly chuckling as Pink was finished eating the "empty" top portion of her burrito and she made her cute, "there's something in my food that shouldn't be there" look. Myself, nearly finished with my lunch (did I mention I inhale food...bad habit...need to break it), Pink confirmed that she did indeed have onions in her burrito when, indeed, she asked for no onions and we both confirmed it on the receipt.

So, in the purest of innocent faces (dare I say more innocent than my son asking for cereal on a Saturday morning), looked at her hunter and gatherer husband and asked if I would take her burrito up and get her one without onions.

Myself, already knowing where this was going to lead (did I mention I think too much?), said "no."

Then, beautiful Pink, beautiful brown belt in Tae Kwan Do Pink, beautiful Pink who can explain the process of doubling up on insurance through both our workplaces to her idiot husband in 2 hours, intellegent and wonderful Pink who told me the intricate details of our house loan, sexy Pink who gets fired up when the "man" comes crashing down hard on undserving people, Mrs. Pink...the mother of my son...well Pink did what she rarely does when she really wants me to do something for her.

She starts batting her eyelashes.

I chuckle at our table. She's pulling out all the tricks. And she knows she's not getting through.

Then, she looks at the receipt, opens her burrito to find out how many onions are in it, checks the receipt again, and gives me the puppy dog look.

Oh..she's good.

But, my son tells me he hates me when we go potty some days. "Daddie. No Potty. I no love you. I hate you. Pooh hates you." It'll take a lot more than eyelashes and a puppy dog look to win me over. I'm cold baby, I'm the most evil husband that there ever was.

I will not go get her a new burrito. (you do remember this is over a burrito, right?)

So, Pink and I talk about it. I make honest remarks about women wanting to be treated fairly in society, that men should have to tackle every confrontation that comes in front of us, that men immediatly must stand up and fight for the greater good. It was my moral responsibity to take care of my wife.

(In my head, I continue her line of thought, and I agree with her. If she had a flat tire on the side of the road, I know she's fully capable of changing it on her own, however, if I'm available, I'll drop everything I'm doing to come help. You can ask her, I've done it. :) She didn't even have to ask, I came to change the tire in the Shawnee Mission School District Offices parking lot. I, the hunter and gatherer who willingly wakes up at 5pm to shovel snow and warm up our vehicles for the snowy travels to work without question, hesitation, or requesting, was going to stand his ground.)

It's a burrito.

So, I stood my ground. I reaffirmed for her that yes, I heard her order a burrito with no onions. Yes, I see that there are onions on her burrito. Yes, the receipt does indeed use the Taco Bell lingo for Burrito - No Onion. But, I would not go fight her battle for her...not on this. I told her to put her big girl panties on and get her a new burrito.

Did I mention he has a brown belt in Tae Kwan Do? Yeah...I got the evil eye after the panties comment. Didn't crack though.

If she went up there and they denied her the justified burrito, I would come in my hunter and gatherer glory and save the day. I will come to her aid if they begin to debate the issue, I'd go all the way to Taco Bell headquarters and complain to the head chihuahua for the poor customer service, lack of quality product, minor impact on food costs of one innocent burrito, and promise to stop telling my friends that Taco Bell uses grade D meat and it's shipped in tubes to each location.

But, my wife who fears confrontation (seriously, who doesn't)...I wanted her to take the first step in the ordeal, knowing that no matter what the cashier would say, my wife was correct and had every right to get her a new burrito.

So...after 3 or 4 rotations of looking between the receipt, the burrito, my face, and a deep sigh (she's good, no doubt about it), she went and got her burrito.

She didn't like the act, but she did like the result. She didn't like standing at the counter holding a half eaten burrito and a receipt (do women assume us hunter/gatherers enjoy this part?), she didn't like explaining to someone that their wrong (I, as a trainer/teacher/instructor can relate), but she was happy that she got her onionless burrito.

Afterwards...she said I was no longer her hero. She still loved me, but the hero thing...gone.

So...since they let her keep the half eaten burrito...I finished it.

The short of all this? I'm proud my wife stood up for her burrito, it's a confrontation I myself probably would have eaten through (course, I don't mind onions), but I was proud she was able to stand up for herself and get her just

The long of it? My wife and I chuckled all afternoon and evening long how this was going to make an excellent Blue/Pink Pamphlet debate.

Still, because we laugh and poke fun at each other about it, I know it was a small victory for my confrontation fearing wife, and it was a small victory for mankind, and it only cost Taco Bell an extra 30 cent burrito.

And you know what's delicious about all of this? Pink and I are posting at the same time about this same topic, discussing what parts we're quoting, chuckling about the situation.

Yeah, my wife is freaking hot.

And she just checked...we're going to post this at the same time...

1 comment:

Degolar said...

A complex issue, and hard to vote. I can appreciate the arguments on both sides.

If you’re asking what I would actually do in that situation, I would probably go up and “do the dirty work.” But not so much because of the male-female thing, but because I have a tendency to help when asked. There may be some history between the two of you around this issue that would make Blue feel the need to take his stand, but I would have done it regardless of being asked by a male or female.

Now if you’re asking what I think about the issue itself, I think I have to side with Blue. If females want the privileges that come with being male, they have to be ready to accept the disadvantages that come along with them. The fact that the oppression in this instance is patriarchal is an indication that men have it better and the male advantages outweigh the disadvantages, but they exist. As far as your argument that a male complaining is perceived differently than a female, that is one of the ways that patriarchal oppression manifests. But the problem is not with the fact that you are female or the fact that you are demanding what you ordered, but the other person’s perception. You should not have to adjust yourself to his/her problem, and in fact should stand up to it if you want to change it.

And now I have to go have Taco Bell for lunch (hope they get my order right).