Welcome to the Pamphlet

World's Shortest Fairy Tail

2009-08-25T09:41:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' Thegirl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rodemotorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lotand drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank andleft the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted, The End.

Random Thoughts

2009-08-25T09:41:00.001-05:00

Not mine, but all good.I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.I don't understand the

Mowing the Lawn

2009-07-28T09:42:00.001-05:00

Ah, the adventures of mowing that get passed along through email...I just put up an electric fence to protect my garden but I ALWAYS unplug it before I mow the yard, The attached mail tells you why. Have a good day. Men, Only if you grew up on a farm with an electric fence can you appreciate this. The language used is a bit smutty and/or course, but 'he tells it like it is' with out cursing.

Installing A Husband

2009-06-26T11:39:00.001-05:00

INSTALLING A HUSBANDDear Tech Support,Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed

Old Timer Sex

2009-06-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.''Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.''OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?''Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy

Letter from a 'Farm Kid' in Boot Camp

2009-06-03T22:31:00.000-05:00

Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m..But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and

The Five Minute Management Course

2009-05-18T08:59:00.002-05:00

5-Minute Management Course Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her

The International Rules of Manhood

2008-11-12T22:30:00.002-06:00

I can neither confirm nor deny that some of these are true ;)1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.(c) After wrecking your boss' car.(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".(e) When she

It's a Me, Mario!

2008-09-11T12:38:00.000-05:00

Dateline: Mario from Eric Grissom on Vimeo.

Cool Magic Trick!

2008-09-01T22:46:00.001-05:00

clipped from failblog.org

Mental Hospital Phone Menu

2008-08-11T12:31:00.000-05:00

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.Please select from the following options menu:If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,stay on the line so we can trace your call.If you are delusional,

Tinkle Tinkle

2008-08-11T12:29:00.001-05:00

While I'm not all for the tone, this isn't a bad idea.Received in an email:Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who

Edamame?

2008-08-06T15:24:00.001-05:00

Edh makes this face when she noms down the first one. clipped from icanhascheezburger.com

Sweet 'n Juicy

2008-08-06T15:21:00.001-05:00

Beautiful Peaches, peaches for me. clipped from kawaii-not.livejournal.com

Could it Double for a Little One on the Way?

2008-08-05T09:54:00.001-05:00

*chuckle* clipped from blog.wired.comThat's No Moon... It's a T-Shirt!Pardon our dust. Death Star Under Construction. Just wait until they see the awesome power of this fully functional t-shirt! Available in sizes S-XXL (sorry Jabba...) from ThinkGeek.com

Most People's Definition of Mandatory Training

2008-07-25T08:50:00.001-05:00

First they resent it, then they get to know you, then they keep coming back for more.But usually just for the chocolate. Mini Hershey Bars go a long way. clipped from www.overheardintheoffice.com 12PM Hey, Those Shackles Were for Our Safety (at a three day workshop)Suit #1: I don't think I can sit

Geek Pen Holder

2008-07-22T16:17:00.001-05:00

Floppy disks? What are those? On yeah, you use them to hold writing implements, that's right. Flash drives are something dirty you do with data then, right? clipped from lifehacker.comMake a Pen Holder Out of Floppy Disks Instead of throwing out those old floppy disks, grab a couple of zip ties and turn them

You Go Bill

2008-07-21T14:01:00.001-05:00

Nice E-mail Mr. Gates. If you send one of those like you say you do at the end of the article, I still have some hope for Microsoft.Till then, I'll just keep using 98se on my dinosaur of a laptop and stay addicted to Office 97.(granted, I've got a nice desktop downstairs, but I haven't seen it since the girls were born) clipped from www.nintendowiifanboy.comObama and McCain face stiff competitionIf you live

Logic

2008-07-10T09:29:00.002-05:00

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?'The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.'I have an older friend ,much like you,

An Incredible Story

2008-07-10T09:19:00.003-05:00

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in after graduating from Northwestern University On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as

This is sad

2008-06-11T09:30:00.001-05:00

But that doesn't mean I didn't laugh. As a Dad of twins and a toddler, sometimes you've got to crack a joke to yourself while they're all screaming at you. clipped from www.overheardintheoffice.comPediatrician to screaming addicted newborn: Oh, you poor thing, are you jonesin' for some crack? clipped from gizmodo.com

I'm Fat Enough, Thanks

2008-06-09T09:32:00.001-05:00

Once every couple weeks as fine, but I know if I had this, I'd probably put it on a timer and have them every day. Thank goodness I don't. clipped from gizmodo.comThe Dough-Nu-Matic may have a stupid name, but its saving grace is its fantastic use—it produces mini doughnuts! Mini doughnuts, we tell you! Is there

Suck My Balls

2008-06-09T08:18:00.001-05:00

I've had bubble tea once, and I was a little disappointed with the massive amount of ice that came with it. It wasn't bad, but the refreshing part was only about 3 minutes worth, and the remaining ten was reserved for hunting down the 'bubbles' through the ice. clipped from kawaii-not.livejournal.com clipped from news.cnet.comA California man may have figured out a novel way to make money at home with little effort, but the alleged penny-pinching scheme may land him in

Dilbert Warned Me, But PowerPoint Killed Me Anyway

2008-05-29T10:39:00.001-05:00

PowerPoint is fun to play with, easy to master, but putting continuous effort into that mastery for killer presentations is a lot of work. Sure you've got a lot of clipart and templates at your disposal, but as one of my favorite slides in the presentation shows (click the title below to jump to it) simply states your worthless.And it's true. Check it out, and please, no more death. clipped from blog.wired.comDon't Panic: Towel Day is May 25thA towel, it says, is about the most massively useful

I Love Paper

2008-05-21T10:56:00.002-05:00

About three years ago, I asked for a PDA at work. They were happy to oblige, but I got one that was from 1812. No backlighting, required 3AAA batteries, and did not recharge it's own batteries, you had to get new ones every 2 weeks or so.I used it for a month and forgot about it. I had gotten it for keeping my calendar with me at all times, but I got annoyed with it.I liked it because it fit

None of that Sissy Friendship Crap

2008-05-21T08:03:00.002-05:00

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone coldtruth of our great friendship.1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry SOB who made you sad.2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.3. When you smile -- I will know you are

Best Bumper Sticker Ever

2008-05-20T18:35:00.002-05:00

"What would Tony Soprano do?"*chuckle*Gone are the days of Oz, Grand Theft Auto, and the Sopranos. My son has the summer off, so we're going to be doing some tower building, hotwheels crashing, cookie baking and brownie consuming. ;)

The Goomba Has Been Jumped

2008-05-14T08:08:00.001-05:00

The secret to Justin Bailey.

Who Would Have Thought

2008-05-09T15:48:00.001-05:00

Overheard in the Office and Swedish fish.Cap'n will be learning how to stash his own soon enough. The Little Buccaneer might develop a taste for them in a couple years.Congratulations to the Cap'n and Yuki. clipped from www.overheardintheoffice.comEvent planner: Oh, damn, this is terrible news. I just lost a

Ultimate Snow Fort Club T-Shirt

2008-05-09T15:14:00.001-05:00

With several HUGE parking spaces. Tauntaun pens not included. clipped from www.thinkgeek.com

Hot Coffee

2008-05-06T08:23:00.000-05:00

No, it's not San Andreas.A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit

I Know of a Cap'n That Wouldn't Mind This Booty

2008-05-05T23:14:00.001-05:00

Unfortunately, he'll be getting intimate with miniature booties soon enough. clipped from www.boingboing.net

Finnally, I Can Work on my Astromech

2008-05-02T10:21:00.001-05:00

Been a while too. Been meaning to visit the Jedi Archives for some light reading. clipped from blog.wired.com

For the Geek

2008-04-25T13:07:00.001-05:00

And the SO that puts up with them. clipped from www.thinkgeek.comStargate MirrorNo need for a Zed-Pee-Em to power this oneNormally made of Naquahdah (and once unsuccessfully made of titanium) and 22 feet wide, our scientists have used glass and polystone to shrink the dimensions down to a mere 10 inches across.

Cool WWII Story

2008-04-25T12:58:00.001-05:00

Cool story about a German pilot escorting an Allied plane back to the UK. clipped from www.snopes.comClaim: A B-17 damaged on a bombing raid over Germany reached England safely after a German pilot declined to shoot it down.Aware that they had no idea where they were going, Franz waved at Charlie to turn 180

Superbad!

2008-04-25T10:35:00.001-05:00

Shame on you!Enjoy the movie!*chuckle*

Costanza Wallet

2008-04-25T10:15:00.003-05:00

Got one? Get rid of it.Club cards? Put the name/numbers in your cell phone. Use the One Club Card. Take a business card and write the numbers on the back. Take note of who can look you up by your phone number, and take note of who can't.And I'm sorry, I can only crack enough jokes about how many cards we all have while I wait to get the items you want.I'd much rather wait and have you look

I Needed These In College

2008-04-24T10:08:00.001-05:00

I used to just change my guys' homepages when the headed out to the laundry or the bathroom. Not the most romantic of webpages mind you, but hearing my name hollered down the hall followed by laughter was awesome.I also had a buddy who had an exe that loaded a program that made it look like your hard drive was reformatting.I included number 9 here, my new favorite, geek pranks galore. Your Score: All Your Base You scored 43 Awesomeness and 51 Style! You are the mothership of all memes. You have all the advantages of a really great meme, you have a catchy song, and you appeal to a large number of people who can distribue you easily. Unfortunately, however, you tend to be the mainstay of people who arent funny trying to

cough

2007-09-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

Clean Friday Funnies

2007-09-14T14:33:00.000-05:00

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.*****************************************A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the

Predator Drones Might Be Bigger

2007-09-14T12:10:00.000-05:00

But this is the biggest boy toy I've seen that you can build in your backyard, I've you've got several grand sitting around, that is.

As a Parent...

2007-09-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

You find yourself saying and doing things that you'd told yourself you'd never do.Today was one of those days.Little Blue is participating in a walk-a-thon to raise money for the school so they can go on some uber cool field trips. He woke up this morning, and as par for the course, went in and grabbed some clothes to wear.I didn't think anything of it, and I don't think Pink did either. He got

Daddy Quiz in Tokyo

2007-09-13T12:44:00.000-05:00

I wanna know if I'd win!clipped from www.reuters.comDaddy exam quizzes men on potties, parentingTOKYO (Reuters) - "Who played the father in the movie 'Kramer versus Kramer'?"That's one of the 50 questions Japanese men could face in a "daddy exam," meant to raise awareness about fatherhood in a country where men tend to work long hours and leave their wives in charge of childcare and household